Confidence is one those elusive qualities we strive our whole lives to get only to be down the rabbit once again. We curse at how we there, on top of a mountain staring down at all those who are below. It’s almost as if life has pushed us far too many times to push back. We’re beaten past recognition and when it’s night the silence fills the void in a way we never anticipated.

So, if that’s the case then why do we try our very best to get a hold of it. Why is confidence the one quality we have to have to get out of bed in the morning or to smile at that woman who always sneers at us. What’s the point of all it, because there’s to be something we’re missing right. Someone who has an answer to the importance of confidence.

Most people won’t ever tell you that to make it in life you have to have confidence. To get out of the house you need confidence. To smile even when you don’t want to you need confidence. Life is brutal, let me repeat it is brutal. The kind of brutality action movies have gotten right, sure no one is beating you to pulp. At least not physically, but that doesn’t mean that you’re still not pushed down time again.

Here is the reality life is about surviving, about being strong despite the stronger. And at the end of the day you have to be have enough self-confidence to not be beaten down. If you don’t, you’ll come up with some illness so you can survive the day. Or a reason or excuse not to do something. I’m camera shy. That’s my excuse for not taking pictures.

The truth is I don’t believe enough in myself to appear on photos. We all have insecurities, but they become a problem when we let them. It pushes us to the ground, we eat dirt so we can hide from the world. The world has enough problems that it doesn’t really think twice about our insecurities. Sometimes our problems are manufactured and we believe because that gives us assurances.

Unfortunately, here comes the real issue when we allow this to build up we never go anywhere in life. We will constantly hide so we protect ourselves from the world and maybe ourselves. And the most important thing that we forget is how far we have come.

 

 

Past Successes

 

 

When I was in fifth grade to make all the kids feel welcome, we were all give certificates. Many of my classmates were given certificates of excellence in sports, academics and art. My parents were shocked because ten-year-old kids often don’t need certificates. I guess that’s a millennial problem. I digress, I got a certificate for being energetic. I remember how that moment made me feel despondent. Everyone got something of value and I did get that.

At ten I felt like a failure. I know ridiculous, but that moment I wanted to prove everyone wrong. The next year I trained for sports, tried my best to win an award and I got a certificate for track. It was an accomplishment. It was a moment I still remember, my friends cheering me on. My confidence was lifted, the next year I struggled getting into a good high school. It was almost as if the whole world was conspiring against me and I was angry. My confidence wavered for many years. It took time to get over many of insecurities, to rise up and gain confidence in myself.

Once you start doubting, it’s a never end cycle. When that happens,  it’s easier to sink into quicksand and not get up. Your past failures don’t determine who you are. When you focus on your past success stories, it will be a lot easier to get up and keep going at it.

 

 

Past Failures Don’t Define You

 

 

 

How many times do we think more about our failures than successes? That has been the story of my life for a long time. Dwelling on where I went wrong rather than what I did right. Here’s an interesting truth, when you forget about your failures there’s always someone around the corner to remind you. No one remembers your audacity, your persistence or tenacity. Nor they focus on the negativity.

Unless you refuse to listen to the naysayers you will always live a life less than. You’ll always be too terrified to do anything. And too unsure of yourself to risk something. And that will always be the predominant voice. The one that tells you that you’re worthless, pitiful and not worth a single breath of air. As a kid that was the voice I listened to more, the one that said I couldn’t do anything and I always wrestled with the voice.

I would do things that scared me, but until I believed I could achieve it that’s when my confidence grew. Confidence is like a flower, the more water it gets, the more it grows. No water and it wilts away. Flowers should be protected at all times because with it, the world is normalized.

Failures are there to teach you a lesson. Often we’re too blinded by our pain to realize what the lesson is. I used to have stage fright and every time I got onto the stage my knees shook. No trick in the book worked, I was laughed off stage. Cried after it, but I made a promise I would conquer it. I’ve done almost every act on stage. I was in debate club and we had to do it on stage. I sang on stage, did public speaking. After two years of doing that, I conquered stage fright. Was it easy? Nothing in life is easy and that’s what failure teaches us.

Past failures will never ever define you. They’re as an obstacle, a roadblock and a minor annoyance. That’s it and until you realize this past failures will always define you. Your past failures don’t define you and once you understand this you will be able to get up and focus on the now. You will be able to move forward with your life.

 

Your Strengths

 

We live in a society that loves pointing out weaknesses. Often it’s with a snicker or a gleeful look. That oh you do this and that. Sometimes it’s constructive criticism, but most times it’s destructive. It depends on who the person is, are they saying it to build you up or tear you down.

At the end of the day, you are your biggest supporter and if you don’t remind yourself of what you can do no one will. I had to take a year off school because my parents couldn’t find money to send me to school. For one year, I had to watch as people moved forward with their lives. Many graduated from university, others got great jobs and I was at home. I was so despondent, depressed that the thought of getting a job in the meantime never crossed my mind.

In that year I lost myself, who I was and what I wanted to become. I kept thinking of my weaknesses and it’s recent that I have started to think more about my strengths. Life is unpredictable, to remain steady you need to remind yourself of who you are. Keep thinking about your strengths. When you do this, you’ll conquer every obstacle you face. When you use focus on your strengths this will help you to get up and keep moving forward.

 

 Also Related: 7 Ways Successful People Deal With Their Weaknesses

Gratitude

 

This one will sting a bit. We’re so lost in our own world that we never think of what we have or how far we have come. There are people in the world who have more troubled lives. Literally a life were they’re not sure when the next meal will be. It feels good to wallow in self pity, to be down and that’s why a lot of people do it.

When you do that it’s almost as if you’re patting yourself on the back for a job well done. You have opportunities that a lot of people wish for. Taking that for granted is a slap in the face to your parents, God and the people in your life.

We all do it, I do it. That’s why it’s important to remind ourselves of what we have and not we don’t have. You might not have a six figure job, but you have people who love you. You might not have a BMW or Mercedes, but you do have a car. Even if you don’t have a car, you have legs.

I’m not trying to make you feel terrible, but there’s always going to be something we don’t have. When you’re grateful, life gets a whole lot brighter.

 

 Also Related: 5 Habits That Will Change You For The Better

The People You Have in your corner

 

This is one of the most important things to remember. I’m not going to say anything corny or cheesy, but it’s important to remember you’re never alone. That you have people who will help you if only you ask. And at times we forget this or we are too proud to ask for help.

We believe it makes us look weak or scared. But isn’t that the reality, we’re terrified of something, be it hairy eight-legged creatures that make you jump or drowning in the ocean. We all go through problems. Sometimes in order to rise up your loved ones need to lift you up. Doing life alone is not only lonely, but petrifying.

 

What steps do you take in order to get your confidence back? Let me known in the comments section. 

 

                                                                      KEEP  P USHING

                                                               VANESSA