I was nine when I first experienced rejection. It always starts out in our early years, when we feel as if we’re the biggest joke to walk in the room. For some, it is younger than nine and for others, it is when they’re much older and wise. But we all experience rejection and we often forget that it teaches us lessons we can’t learn in a classroom. Our teachers don’t write it down on chalkboards, instead, we’re bombarded with facts, figures, and rules.

Even when they told us how important it was to know geometry, we knew deep down that it wasn’t a life lesson. Experience teaches us that. It shapes, molds and swifts our perspective until we can’t stare in the mirror anymore. We question our looks, intelligence and wonder if we would be better if life stung less.

Then with age, we come to a sense of realization that well life comes with its string of lies. Yes, it does hurt to be rejected, but the truth is it’s unavoidable. As a little girl, I was popular, I knew how to bat my eyes and get what I wanted. Then I went to a new school and everything changed. I was a clown in school. Even though I hated it, my peers laughed with me rather than at me and then I went to a school where I became the butt of every joke.

From being the popular funny kid to being seen as dumb. From then on I walked around feeling the weight of rejection on my shoulders. It’s now that I realize I didn’t understand rejection was there to teach me something. We all go through this. That is the point of life. We all have to take into account the lessons laid out in front of us. 

Not Everyone Will Like You

Many of us spend or rather waste years forcing ourselves on people who don’t like us. And when we get rejected it feels as if they stomped on our hearts. The truth is we should’ve just walked away then we wouldn’t have gotten rejected in the first place. It is a hard place to be, knowing that you value someone who doesn’t respect you as much as you respect them.

But our hearts are important and the more rejected we become, the more bitter it makes us. I’ve met a lot of cynical people and the reason they’re like that is that they been rejected far too many times. No everyone is going to like you. Most of us aren’t taught that. Little kids can play with each other. They can fight one moment and then become best friends because there are no walls up.

When rejection slams into you so many times you build walls. And these walls are hard to tear down and when people see you they only see one side of you. I discovered the art of building walls and I believed it was going to protect me. It never did. All I felt was alone and afraid. You need to know when you realize not everyone will like you then it will make you see yourself a lot differently. Not everyone will like you and that is a hard truth you have to learn. I wrote a post about how to deal with rejection a whole lot better, it is called how to rise above the noise.

You learn to be yourself

The irony here is even when you try to be like everyone us you can still be rejected. Rejection doesn’t care whether you’re the shy girl in the back row or the awkward boy who shuffles his feet. It doesn’t care whether you’re an articulate speaker or you dress as if you’re made of money. All it cares about is carrying on with its task and that is what it’s there for. You can never be friends with rejection and a lot of us have no idea how it has so much control over our lives. If we realized that then things would be a lot clearer. We lose so much trying to be like everyone us and not accepting who we are.

Most of us never learn this. It doesn’t matter who you are and what you can do, you’ll still be rejected. There always be something that sneaks up on the surface that makes people comfortable. Your easy smile, bouncy personality, your smooth silky or loud voice. And as much as you try you can’t erase who you are. The unfortunate part is we learn this the hard way. What hurts most are the words are from the past? They bite and tear you apart until all that is splattered on the walls is a less than perfect patch of dust and dirt. 

You have to be yourself even if no one understands you. When I was ten I knew a girl, many people considered weird. She still had imaginary best friends, spent her time collecting ants. Most people ignored that girl, brushing her aside and sure she wasn’t winning popularity contests, but even up to this day I’ve never known anyone as brave as her. Despite how people treated her she still smiled at them. Despite being rejected over and over again, she apologetically was herself. 

You learn to love yourself

Rejection has so much power over us because we allow it to. We decide what affects us and what doesn’t. We were never taught this in school. Fear, rejection, doubt, insecurities, and hopelessness have power over us because we allow it to. Once you get the light bulb moment and realize that you can impact the way you deal with things everything will change.

Most of us don’t take rejection well. We turn to anything that will take away the pain, help us quench it down until it’s nothing, but a dull ache. To actually combat rejection, you must love yourself. It sounds like common sense, but many of us have forgotten to love ourselves. Love the imperfection, the awkwardness, the flaws and idiosyncrasies we try to hide.

If we embraced everything that we are, rejection wouldn’t be a dagger to the chest. It wouldn’t hurt us as much as it did. The simple solution here is to learn you have to heal. From the abuse, the pain and the crippling fear that grips you when the doors are shut. You need to let go of the pain and start loving yourself. It is only there that rejection won’t have a strong hold on you. 

Every Day Power wrote an article about how to love yourself unconditionally.

When was the first time you experienced rejection? How did it make you feel? Comment below

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