What’s holding you back in life? 

Many of us ask ourselves this question in our lives. Whether it is when we turn twenty-one, twenty-five, thirty, thirty-five, or older. We all wonder what is holding us back in life? As kids and even as teenagers, it was easier to imagine what life would be like when we get older. When I was fourteen, I wanted to be a best-selling author by the time I was twenty-one.

That didn’t happen, and I asked myself what was holding me back in life? It was a simple question, but they were so many answers to it. And to be honest, the truth wasn’t as easy to compile. I would look in the mirror and wonder what to do next. Years passed by and I had worked on a few of my dreams until I lost myself again. Then, at twenty-five, I asked myself the question again. I wasn’t where I thought I would be. Instead of graduating on time, I graduated late because of financial issues.

It was still a glorious thing to celebrate, but I couldn’t help but wonder what was holding me back in life? Again, there was that question. Drilling in my head. It needed an answer. A question so simple, it should have been easy to answer. It has taken me years to find out what are the few things holding us back in life. Below are a few of them. You might discover that you struggle with a few of them. Just so you know that you aren’t alone in this. And it’s okay, just remember we all have gone through it before.

Fear is holding you back 

I don’t like statistics, but sometimes it carries way more weight. So, here are a few necessary statistics that will give you perspective. 15 to 20% of us experience phobias in our lifetime. About 35% of people are afraid to go into business for themselves, they also fear that they will have inconsistent income. About 27% are terrified they’ll wind up making less money and won’t be able to support their family. I could go on and on, but you get the point.

Fear is what’s holding you back in life. The future is uncertain and therefore, it’s hard to predict what will happen. It’s hard to understand where you will go from here. What I can tell you is regret is more painful than fear. Fear can be a fleeting moment. Once you continually take action, it takes a back seat. If you were to do Facebook Lives every week for three months, your fear of doing it will seem less scary. But the regret of never trying will stay with you forever.

Fear holds many people captive. Stops them from going after their dreams and makes it harder to find yourself. We all are afraid of something. For the longest time, I had terrible stage fright. I would hyperventilate at the thought of it. My knees would wobble and my throat would close. Still, I wanted to get over it, so one day I went onto the stage. As terrifying as it was, eventually the fear disappeared. Often what’s in our mind is scarier than the reality. In my mind, I thought if I choked people would laugh at me. I thought I would make a fool of myself. That didn’t happen.

Also Related: 14 Ways to Conquer Fear

The opinions of others is holding you back

If you’re like most people, then people’s opinions are holding you back in life. We all want people to see the real us. The one that very few people get to see. But we’re terrified that will chase them away. We’re scared that those people who we admire will respect us less once they see us. The real us. The one behind the façade. When I wrote my first book and shared it on Facebook. This was my first thought. What would people think? Would they assume I was being someone I wasn’t? 

 The funny thing is, they were people who thought I was trying to be someone I wasn’t. But they were people who supported me. No matter what you do, people will talk about you. Someone once said to me, if that’s the case, then why not give them something to talk about. Someone’s opinion of you doesn’t represent who you are. It’s based on their fears, so don’t allow that to stop you from going after your dreams. Don’t allow the opinions of others to hold you back in life. Because regardless of what you are doing, if you focus on that, it will always hold you back in life.  

 Your beliefs are holding you back

It’s true what they say. We are our biggest enemies. When I was younger, the one thing I struggled with was positivity. I knew how important it was, but I couldn’t stop thinking negatively. I was a pessimist. And when anything went wrong, I would nod as if I figured life’s great mystery. “Look, I told you this would happen,” I’d tell anyone who would listen.

I once had a conversation if my friend. “Listen, I imagine the worst-case scenario and when it happens I’m not shocked.”

She looked at me as if I had lost my mind. I don’t blame her. Don’t know why I thought it was so important to think that way. Maybe a small fraction of me didn’t want to be disappointed, and I believed if I was pessimistic I would avoid the heartbreak.

The older I got I realized that was Bull. Our beliefs hold us back. Whenever we think something can’t work or it’s too good to be true. When we believe we can’t make it. Our beliefs are pushing us far back. Your beliefs are preventing you from progressing and that is a problem because if you want to go far, you need to change that. Many of us do our best to change our outward appearance, hoping it changes who we are.

It doesn’t. Changing your thought patterns can positively affect your life. Focus on what you want instead of the impossibilities of it happening. Focus on what you have instead of what you don’t have. Be grateful for every chance you have to improve your life. One thing that changed my life was when I changed my belief patterns. I stopped being pessimistic and started living every day the best I can. 

Also Related: 5 False Beliefs About Working on Your Dreams

The pain of failure is holding you back

Our two main emotional receptors are pleasure and pain. We lean more towards pleasure rather than pain. That is why the beauty industry is a billion-dollar money-making machine. Women and men spend hundreds to thousands of dollars on products, clothes, and shoes every year to look their best.

The entertainment industry is another money-making machine. It generates hundreds of new songs, albums, movies, and TV shows every year. All for us to consume it or spend hundreds of dollars to entertain us at home. We love to feel nostalgic, giddy, excited, relaxed, and calm. We get that from beauty and entertainment. But we run away from pain. Unless we have built a pain tolerance. But it takes time to do that. For many of us, the pain of failure is enough to drive us away. This is holding you back. The immense pain of failure.

No one wants to fail. No one to walk around wearing a jacket called “happy to fail.” That’s ridiculous. We don’t dream about failure as something profound. Still, it is there. Failure is inevitable. Even if it’s in front of hundreds or thousands of people, you will fail. It’s hard to run away from it. And it is hard to embrace it.

Then what? What is the solution? Simple? Accept it’s there. Think of it like that pesky neighbor who thinks your house is their backyard. No matter what you do or say, they’re still there. The same thing applies here. Failure will be there two years from now. It will be at the back of your mind when you see your former friends from high school. It will be there when you smile at your co-workers. No matter where you turn, it will be there. Accept it. And work on your dreams because if you allow it to, then the pain of failure will keep you from greatness.

Also Related: How to Solve Problems Like A Entrepreneur

Living in the past is holding you back

Okay, this one is a given. If you are living in the past, that is holding you back. What I mean is that they are things we all wish we had achieved, at a particular junction in life. I wanted to be the best-selling author at twenty-one. When life doesn’t happen the way we want, many of us give up. We throw in the towel. Thinking it makes no sense for us to follow our dreams now.

I know someone who wanted to be a tennis coach, but when it didn’t happen, they gave up. They wanted it to happen at a particular time and age. So, they were like, “maybe, it was never meant to happen.”

Big dreams stay with you whether you want it to. Big dreams are always there. It can either be like a whisper, a gentle current, or a torrent. But it will always be there. If something hasn’t happened the way you expect it to happen, it doesn’t mean it never will. Giving up isn’t the answer. If you do that you will never find yourself. 

We all need to stop living in the past. When we live in the past, we make excuses. We forget our calling. Regret prevents us from seeing an opportunity. We doubt our potential. We believe that we don’t have what it takes. Therefore, living in the past is holding us back. Stop allowing it to get away with crushing your hopes and dreams on the bedrock of broken promises and mistakes. We all make mistakes, and that’s how we learn from them. Move forward with your dreams.

                                                                                              KEEP  PUSHING

                                                                                                  VANESSA

What is holding you back from going after what you want? Comment below