what is the secret to confidence and self-esteem

Self-confidence and esteem are the secrets to success. These two things make or break you. This is coming from someone who struggled for years with low self-esteem. I didn’t understand the value of it until later on in life when I realized that the reason why I wasn’t where I wanted to be was that I wasn’t confident. There are so many moments in our lives when we take advantage of our experiences and don’t appreciate how far we have come. 

It is a difficult road to travel, but that is why it is important to build confidence. Without it, you find it harder to do things and go after your dreams. I started writing at thirteen years old, the first time I showed someone a story I wrote they thought I had copied. At that point in time, it was the one thing I was good at, I struggled for years figuring out what I could do and when I found it I wanted to show everyone. The thing though is that most people thought I had ripped off stories and my already low-esteem nosedived,

I found it harder to show people things I was working on so I didn’t. Choosing that it was better, I was protecting myself. I realized later on that I was afraid that people would see the real me. The raw essence of who I was and not like it or criticize me. So I spent years hiding in the dark, licking my wounds and acting as if I wasn’t anyone. I became a tail, a person that just was there and added nothing of value. I didn’t mind it until I realized I was basically telling myself that I didn’t love who I was. That stung, but it was true. If I loved myself then why did I want to hide in the dark? 

Over the years I have learned the secret to confidence and self- esteem. It isn’t as difficult as you might think it is. In this blog post, I share all the secret methods and tips you can use to boost your self-esteem and confidence. When you understand the secret to confidence and self-esteem things that used to be hard to tackle are easier to deal with.

Look at yourself in the mirror

This might appear unorthodox, but it works like a charm. How many people with low-esteem don’t look in the mirror? I am not talking about fixing your hair, making sure that you are not mismatching clothes or even fixing yourself up. You need to look at the mirror and not do anything, but look at your reflection. Appreciate your scars, blemishes, the colors of your eyes and everything that makes you who you are. If you truly want to boost your confidence, the secret to do it is confronting yourself by looking in the mirror.

Think about how far you have come. These experiences made you who you are today. Take at least a couple of minutes, push back your shoulders, stand tall and then tell yourself you are good enough. I know how weird this is, but there are moments when we need to talk to ourselves directly. Look at yourself in the mirror and make affirmations. Say that we you are loved. My big sister used to do this and when I was a kid, I thought she was crazy. When I got older, I realized how powerful it actually is. 

We spend too much time in our own heads. We think negative thoughts that do a lot of damage, but when did you ever decide to talk to yourself. You don’t always have to do this, but when you hit a slump, this will do the trick. It will be weird at first, but with time it does get easier. Even smile at yourself., appreciate every flaw that you have. 

Who do you want to be?

When we were kids we played dress up and imagined what we would be like as grownups. That changed when puberty came and the older we got, we stopped imagining. There’s something powerful about visualization, it is the process of actually thinking about who you want to be. Imagining all that you will achieve, it changes us. It seems as if there’s no benefit to it, but when you do it on a daily basis, it changes you. 

If you want to become a better person and you focus on that, without you knowing it, your personality changes. Here’s the trick you must want it desperately as much as you want to eat. Confidence is crucial to success and if you want to be successful you must obsess over it. We have negative connotations when it comes to obsession. 

Obsession isn’t necessarily bad, it is all about balance. You have to want something bad enough to make an effort every day to create it. That is why successful people have achieved what they want. A daily dose of obsession to make their life a whole lot simpler. 

If you ask anyone what the secret to success is they will tell you that you need to know who you are. The more you know who you are, the more confident you will be. If you still want to know more about this, I did a blog post about how you can figure out what you want without losing your mind. In this blog post I share a few secrets to how to know yourself better and what you need to start living a life of purpose. 

Do what scares you everyday

Okay, what are you terrified of? People reading your posts on Facebook, sharing your story, new business venture and the list goes on. Not getting validation, failing, not appearing good enough. We all have fears, but once you allow that to control your life, it will always be like that. You have to chase away your fears one step at a time. I know, it is scary, but only then will you get over it.

I managed to get over stage fright because I spoke in front of a crowd of two hundred. It was no means easy, but I did it and after I was no longer afraid of it. I had to climb bridges and go on roller-coaster rides to get over my fear of heights. Again, it wasn’t easy, but fear will always control you if you let it.

That is its job, to protect you from hurting yourself. Every time you do something outside of your comfort zone, your brain sends signals throughout your body. Your cortisol levels increase, your heart pulsates and sweat sticks to your body. This how your body reacts to the unknown so when you do something out of your comfort zone, you are now conditioning your mind. You don’t have to go crazy with your list. 

You can start small and move your way up. The secret here is to take baby steps, every milestone you make, you celebrate and the more you do this, the more confident you will feel.

Do a 100 day rejection challenge

This sounds like someone is asking for it. When you are so used to rejection, it doesn’t hurt as much as it did in the beginning. This was made famous by Jia Jiang. Who was frustrated when he was rejected by an investor so he wanted to desensitize himself to rejection? Crazy I know, I would start with a 30-day challenge then keep going up. I have done one similar to this.

The difference here was I learned a couple of new skills and posted them on Facebook groups to hear the responses. I also volunteered services that I have never done before to get the handle of things. I applied for job boards where I was unqualified. The result was I got rejected and I had to keep doing it. Keep pushing myself. It was an uphill battle that is for sure. After a while, it got easier and I got better at the skills I learned. The hardest thing is putting yourself out there and seeing what critics will say.

No one wants to fail and we certainly don’t want an audience. When we accept failure is inevitable, it is easier to get over rejection. How many times did J.K Rowling get rejected? What about Steven King, Richard Branson, and Marie Forleo? Rejection is part of the process. Running away from it doesn’t help anyone.

Help someone else

Focus on someone else other than yourself. Do that and you will go to a place you never imagined. This also helps you to get over your insecurities and help someone who needs it. When I decided to help people build their business something happened. I stopped thinking about whether I was qualified to do it and started focusing on how I could help someone with their problem. The secret to confidence and self-esteem is simply helping some one who is need. When you step out of your comfort zone even if it is terrifying, you start believing in yourself. And believing in your capabilities or who you are helps boost your confidence. 

The way I looked at my life shifted. No longer was I unsure of who I was, but I was confident I could do the job. Before this, I never thought I would ever do it, but I did because I wasn’t consumed with negative thoughts. Marie Forleo even talks about how you need to shine a light on someone else rather on yourself. When you shine the light on someone else you don’t have time to think about yourself. All it takes is for you to do this a couple of times. When you do it often, you will find that you are far more confident than you were before. 

If you want to learn more about how to boost your confidence and self-esteem, there’s this blog post from Lifehack that you’ll absolutely love.

What methods resonate with and why? Comment below.

                                                                                                                     KEEP  PUSHING

                                                                                                       VANESSA