What Rejection Teaches You About Yourself?

by vanessa | Apr 10, 2019 | Entrepreneurs, personal development

What Rejection Teaches You

Rejection can teach you more than you realize.

I was nine when I first experienced rejection. It always starts out in our early years, when we feel as if we’re the biggest joke to walk in the room. For some, it is younger than nine and for others, it is when they’re much older and wise. But we all experience rejection and we often forget that it teaches us lessons we can’t learn in a classroom. Our teachers don’t write it down on chalkboards, instead, we’re bombarded with facts, figures, and rules.

Even when they told us how important it was to know geometry, we knew deep down that it wasn’t a life lesson. Experience teaches us that. It shapes, molds and swifts our perspective until we can’t stare in the mirror anymore. We question our looks, intelligence and wonder if we would be better if life stung less.

Then with age, we come to a sense of realization that well life comes with its string of lies. Yes, it does hurt to be rejected, but the truth is it’s unavoidable. As a little girl, I was popular, I knew how to bat my eyes and get what I wanted. Then I went to a new school and everything changed. I was a clown in school. Even though I hated it, my peers laughed with me rather than at me and then I went to a school where I became the butt of every joke.

From being the popular funny kid to being seen as dumb. From then on I walked around feeling the weight of rejection on my shoulders. It’s now that I realize I didn’t understand rejection was there to teach me something. We all go through this. That is the point of life. We all have to take into account the lessons laid out in front of us.

Not Everyone Will Like You

Many of us spend or rather waste years forcing ourselves on people who don’t like us. And when we get rejected it feels as if they stomped on our hearts. The truth is we should’ve just walked away then we wouldn’t have gotten rejected in the first place. It is a hard place to be, knowing that you value someone who doesn’t respect you as much as you respect them.

But our hearts are important and the more rejected we become, the more bitter it makes us. I’ve met a lot of cynical people and the reason they’re like that is that they been rejected far too many times. No everyone is going to like you. Most of us aren’t taught that. Little kids can play with each other. They can fight one moment and then become best friends because there are no walls up.

When rejection slams into you so many times you build walls. And these walls are hard to tear down and when people see you they only see one side of you. I discovered the art of building walls and I believed it was going to protect me. It never did. All I felt was alone and afraid. You need to know when you realize not everyone will like you then it will make you see yourself a lot differently. Not everyone will like you and that is a hard truth you have to learn. I wrote a post about how to deal with rejection a whole lot better, it is called how to rise above the noise.

You learn to be yourself

The irony here is even when you try to be like everyone us you can still be rejected. Rejection doesn’t care whether you’re the shy girl in the back row or the awkward boy who shuffles his feet. It doesn’t care whether you’re an articulate speaker or you dress as if you’re made of money. All it cares about is carrying on with its task and that is what it’s there for. You can never be friends with rejection and a lot of us have no idea how it has so much control over our lives. If we realized that then things would be a lot clearer. We lose so much trying to be like everyone us and not accepting who we are.

Most of us never learn this. It doesn’t matter who you are and what you can do, you’ll still be rejected. There always be something that sneaks up on the surface that makes people comfortable. Your easy smile, bouncy personality, your smooth silky or loud voice. And as much as you try you can’t erase who you are. The unfortunate part is we learn this the hard way. What hurts most are the words are from the past? They bite and tear you apart until all that is splattered on the walls is a less than perfect patch of dust and dirt.

You have to be yourself even if no one understands you. When I was ten I knew a girl, many people considered weird. She still had imaginary best friends, spent her time collecting ants. Most people ignored that girl, brushing her aside and sure she wasn’t winning popularity contests, but even up to this day I’ve never known anyone as brave as her. Despite how people treated her she still smiled at them. Despite being rejected over and over again, she apologetically was herself.

You learn to love yourself

Rejection has so much power over us because we allow it to. We decide what affects us and what doesn’t. We were never taught this in school. Fear, rejection, doubt, insecurities, and hopelessness have power over us because we allow it to. Once you get the light bulb moment and realize that you can impact the way you deal with things everything will change.

Most of us don’t take rejection well. We turn to anything that will take away the pain, help us quench it down until it’s nothing, but a dull ache. To actually combat rejection, you must love yourself. It sounds like common sense, but many of us have forgotten to love ourselves. Love the imperfection, the awkwardness, the flaws and idiosyncrasies we try to hide.

If we embraced everything that we are, rejection wouldn’t be a dagger to the chest. It wouldn’t hurt us as much as it did. The simple solution here is to learn you have to heal. From the abuse, the pain and the crippling fear that grips you when the doors are shut. You need to let go of the pain and start loving yourself. It is only there that rejection won’t have a strong hold on you.

Every Day Power wrote an article about how to love yourself unconditionally.

When was the first time you experienced rejection? How did it make you feel? Comment below

KEEP P USHING

VANESSA

How To Face And Overcome Obstacles

by vanessa | Mar 20, 2019 | motivation, personal development

How To Face and overcome Your obstacles

Obstacles are placed to hinder and obstruct your progress, but it only works if you allow it to. If you want to know how to face and overcome obstacles keep reading.

When I was a kid I hated hurdles, to me there was no sense in having to jump over them. I have had to learn how to face and overcome obstacles in order to move forward.

I was too afraid to jump over them so I started going around the hurdles. The fear was crippling, it took siege of my heart and mind. That was the day when I saw hurdles as constructs and I got into the habit of going around things instead of facing them. I believed if I dared jump over the hurdles I would fail. I saw them as roadblocks that I couldn’t jump over so I had to cheat to play the game. The older I got the more emboldened I was by the idea until I realized I had been playing catch-up all along.

I believed I had figured out the secret to facing my obstacles, but I hadn’t. I just knew how to cheat. You know that saying cheaters never prosper, I thought it was bogus. An old wives tale that scared you into following the rules. Now I realize that cheating the game can only get you so far. Obstacles as much as we hate to admit are inescapable. Believe me, even in absolute luxury, you have obstacles. Money can only take you so far, but if you don’t have the keys to facing your obstacles, you will keep having your progress hindered.

We often see obstacles as external forces, but they can also be internal and habitual forces. Habitual forces such as stress, overwhelm and anger takes time to overcome. You have to learn how to face and overcome them if you want to thrive in life and most people don’t do this. What I listed below are some of the best ways to face and overcome obstacles.

Understand Your Obstacle

My obstacles were more internal than external, I battled with demons that ridiculed and pestered me. Words so jarring it left me hollow, days were spent staring at the ceiling, wondering what the purpose of life truly was. I struggled for years, dealing with my own inadequacies, crippling fears and the pain that kept pushing me to the edge. I didn’t understand that I was depressed and suicidal. To me, I was surviving and that is what mattered.

Every obstacle you face stems from past experiences and that is why it hinders you the way it does. The only way to deal with it is to actually access why it has this amount of power over you. Some obstacles are of course worse, but there are ways to deal with it, as long as it doesn’t stop you from pushing forward.

Your obstacles are either driven by external forces; natural disasters, economy, your social circle, and physical limitations or by internal forces. These are your beliefs, losing weight, fear, your past experiences, pain and the list goes on. You have to understand which one drives you the most because it is here that you can understand how to face and overcome the obstacle. If you want to face and overcome your obstacle then you need to understand it. Only then can you beat it.

Devise A Plan

Life happens when you are making other plans, so it goes. You can’t plan for everything if that was possible there’d be no obstacles. But things happen when you least expect it. However, when you are dealing with an obstacle it helps to come up with a plan on how to solve it. It doesn’t have to be a master plan. It can even be a few steps you take so you don’t have to go through the pain of an obstacle. Some obstacles are so powerful that they can even destroy you. Don’t mean to be macabre, but a lot of people go through obstacles that leave them feeling numb. One of my favorite motivational speakers is Nick Vujicic who was born with tetra-amelia syndrome. Every day he was overcome with the obstacle of living a life without arms or legs.

Nick Vujicic had to overcome all three obstacles and there were times in his life where he wanted to kill himself. If it wasn’t for his family telling him he was good enough, he might have given up or allowed his condition to prevent him from achieving anything, but he didn’t. This rare condition in itself was an obstacle that most people fail to face because the world is usually painted in black and white.

It wants us to believe that you have to look a certain way to achieve success, to live in a certain country to have a better life or be an anomaly to be a success story. That is far from the truth, Nick is an example of someone who refused to allow any obstacle to stop him from reaching great heights. Nick faced his obstacle so he could overcome it. He had to devise a plan in order to execute it. Don’t throw away the plan it will help you face and overcome the obstacle.

Also Related: 7 Life Skills To Sky Rocket Your Success

Reflect Your Successes and Failures

Reflection is an integral part of growth and yet it is underutilized, probably because it is seen as something that philosophical people do. My first year of college I was taught reflection and it changed my life for the better. I saw it as a tool to understand where I was on my progress ladder. We all have these ladders of progress, depending on the person it can have different levels. There’s the bottom rung where you start, this could be the first day of kindergarten or college or even your job. The next rung is the next step you want to take or took. The way your ladder looks depends on who you are as a person. Some people have long ladders while others have shorter ones. It all depends on who you are, whether you are ambitious or more altruistic. Your ladder is a reflection of your dreams, ambitions, and hopes.

Most of us have successes or our failures as rungs. That might sound counter-intuitive, but failures as well, as our successes define, who we become in our life. To many people, failure is seen as obstacles, but there are teaching points that you need to reflect on. For example, I had stage fright. Every time I was on stage my heart raced, my palms would sweat and my knees would shake. I choked on my words, but despite the fear, it never stopped me from actually stepping onto that platform. And I was overcome with embarrassment every time I did. That was my failure when I went to college, I knew I had to overcome that fear.

I did. It took a while, but I knew that I had to do it. It was important that I did. When you reflect on your failures as painful as it is, you are more willing to try again. When you reflect on your successes you understand what you did right and can repeat the same formula. Reflect on your successes and obstacles so that you can face and overcome the obstacle.

Click Here To Get FREE Overcome Challenges Checklist

Work at it

One of the most beloved children stories is Jack and the Beanstalk because it has great life lessons. It is about a kid who struggled with self-discipline. Some would say Jack was lazy, but it was just that he lacked self-discipline. It isn’t the easiest thing to get a handle on, there are days when you don’t want to work at all. We all go through that, but what I have learned is the easy way isn’t always the best. As hard as it gets, you have to work at it.

Procrastination is the killer of dreams and the reason why most people aren’t where they are. Devising your plan is only one step, but you have to carry it out and work at it. At first, it will feel weird, but with time it will get a lot easier for you to do it. You can only overcome your obstacles when you actually follow through and work on it. This might be hard at first, but you have to remember, limit your distractions, improve time management skills and push through. This stage you might feel stuck, so you need to go back to your checklist and look through what tasks you wrote down.

If you don’t work on your obstacles you will be unable to face and overcome it.

Visualize Your Success

Obstacles get the best of us because we don’t visualize our success, we don’t see ourselves overcoming our problems and that there is the problem. For every problem, there are two or more solutions. So it isn’t impossible for you to overcome your obstacles. To rise to the top and actually be your own success story. When you focus more on the future than your problems, it will be a lot easier for you to deal with the cards that you are dealt with.

When you visualize your success, you increase the dopamine and that is a very good thing. Dopamine is the hormone responsible for happiness so therefore you are likely to get a positive attitude. So this is an easier way of improving your life. If you are positive then you attract good things in your life and even when you face obstacles, they don’t have as much of a hold on you. I used to be a negative person and when an obstacle came my way, it felt like the world was ending. When my attitude changed, I looked at life differently.

There are times when you have to choose the easiest way to improving your life. You don’t have to be like a character from a Telenovela in order for you to achieve success. Sometimes all it takes is changing your mindset and attitude to change your life. I am not saying this is the master solution for all your problems and obstacles, but it will make it a lot easier to face your problems if you have a positive attitude.

Remember visualizing your success is the best way to face and overcome your obstacle. When you focus on where you will be days, months or years from now, it will give you the courage to face and overcome the obstacle.

Also Related: 5 Ways of Helping You Visualize Your Success

What is your main takeaway from this and what obstacles have you had to deal with? How did you deal with it? Comment below.

Keep Pushing

Vanessa

How To Accept Time As A Factor Of Success

by vanessa | Mar 13, 2019 | Entrepreneurs, personal development

How To Accept Time As A Factor To Success

Success requires patience and time

Time is more than a motivator to success, it is undeniably one of the keys to it. We live in a generation of get-rich-scams and newsfeeds of the next social media sensation. Seventeen-year-old kids are photographed in front of their luxury houses and driving expensive cars. It is normal to think that we can become like them.

All it will take are a couple of days spent chiming away on the keyboard, see the money rolling in and the dollar sign appearing on the top of our heads to be made. Frankly, it sounds more like a cartoon than reality. And the reality is a lot darker. No, those stories are either fabricated or they had people helping them to be where they are today.

Most people who are self-made entrepreneurs or millionaires usually have sadder stories, ones that involve eating a lot of cereal in the morning or having sleepless nights trying to get the first dollar or client. And a lot of people are seen posting the same spammy content on social media. The majority of people don’t like to admit it is the life of most entrepreneurs. When I used to hear people say that it takes time to build something, I often scoffed, but it is now that I realize how true that statement is.

The truth is most of us what things like yesterday and it often doesn’t happen like that. We all know that get-rich-scams don’t work, but it doesn’t change the fact that we want to wake up the next day and be successful. It doesn’t change the fact that we want to leave behind our problems because we all believe for an odd reason that rich people don’t have problems. The reason why many of us don’t progress in life is that we don’t consider time as a factor of success.

Time teaches you that good things take time

My father always used to tell me that good things take time and I never believed him, either that or I didn’t want to listen to him. I’d roll my eyes at that statement, the older I have gotten I now understand how true it is. Good things take time. Even self-made entrepreneurs had to go through dark days for them to be where they are. The greats had to go through dozens of obstacles in order for them to get to where they are. They had to walk on burning coals. Be fired. Spend months sleeping in their cars or to be at rock bottom.

Time teaches you that often when things come too quickly, they have strings attached. What I mean by this is sometimes what we think we need to be successful isn’t how we imagined it to be. That’s just a fact. It takes a while to understand this or even to accept it. It took me a long time to realize this because when things didn’t happen the way I wanted it to, I thought that my life wouldn’t improve. That I would always remain in the same place I always have been. Stuck in a rut with no way out or trapped like a mouse in a cage.

When I realized that often you have to be patient enough to keep fighting for what you believe so that you can get to where you want to be. I’m not saying that you won’t achieve success. I’m also not saying you should waste your time because you are waiting for a golden opportunity or that it will take ten years to achieve the level of success you want. Time is relevant to where you want it to be. It depends on where you want to go and what lessons you have to learn along the way.

When you see time as a factor of success then you will understand that good things take time.

Criticism will either push your or destroy you

On your journey to success. you will come across destructive and constructive criticism. Most of us only understand the context when it doesn’t directly affect us. The thing is most criticism is destructive and most people have no idea that what they’re saying won’t help you at all. If you haven’t developed a thick layer then criticism in all shape and form will destroy you.

When I was younger, I had this insatiable dream of becoming an author at fourteen, I had written my fair share of books so I knew it was possible. Unfortunately, I wasn’t ready because I couldn’t take criticism. It took me years to learn more about myself so that I could accept it. Most critics don’t know your story, they have no idea who you are as a person and their opinions aren’t useful. I used to be told that I was awkward and weird. That became part of my identity and it destroyed me. For the longest time, I hid in my shell because of those words. I couldn’t accept that it was their opinion and over the years, whenever anyone would tell me something, it took pieces away from me.

By the time I was willing to fight, it was a long battle to recovery and along the way, I picked up bad habits. I wanted more than anything to forget. Criticism does two things, it will either build you up or tear you are apart. But when you take the time to figure out who you are, dip your toes in the water and evaluate yourself, you will be a lot stronger.

Criticism tends to destroy us but that is because we don’t understand that time is a factor of success therefore we need to gradually improve. A painter doesn’t become Van Gogh overnight, it takes time. Therefore, it will take time for you to get to where you want to go. That is why time is a factor of success because it takes time to go from novice to professional.

You learn to fight for your future

No one can fight for your future, but you. No one can take those first steps, but you. And no one can force you to do be who you don’t want to be. It took me a while to start fighting for my future. It was when I was lying on my bed, close to taking my life that I realized this was no way to live. A lot of us battle invisible demons and we always run away from it. Facing the problem head-on is the only way you can jump the fence or make it to the end of the road. You have to face your demons head-on.

As scary as that is, you’ll constantly be in denial until life takes too much from you. And believe me, there’ll be a time when life tests and demands a lot out of you. You can either let life string you along or you can start building yourself bit by bit. It is natural to get worn by the effort you are making. You either accept the best or decide you aren’t worth anything. Most of us learn that you accept whatever is given to you. You accept the broken relationships, the forced love stories, and the list goes on because that is what you believe you are worth.

You have two choices; to accept what comes your way or to look for something better. When I was younger I was taught that girls should kiss a lot of frogs to find their Prince Charming, but the truth is it isn’t what often happens. Most of us stay with frogs and we accept that. It’s because we choose not to fight for what we want in life. We choose not to go for that promotion because we believe we aren’t worth it. We choose to stay in that negative space, to surround ourselves with people who belittle us because we believe we aren’t worth it. You must fight your battles because if you don’t time will take more from you than you envisioned.

When you focus on time as a factor of success then you will understand that it will push you to fight for your future.

Time teaches you that nothing remains the same

Nothing ever remains the same, no matter how much we want it to. That’s why we have to keep growing. Learning new things so that we’re prepared for whatever change comes our way. Though, that never happens. Change is a hard thing to accept, even those who can adapt to hardship struggle. You have to either let things go or to remain in that moment.

When you understand that nothing remains the same, you understand that success can have its up and down moments. No successful person can continue having a winning streak, they’ll be bad and good moments. Being human means tackling hardships, cherishing the good moments and successes. This kind of discovery takes a while, not as long as you think it does, but you have to understand how important time is.

Without it you can’t grow, achieve the success you want in life. It’s true what they say, people only see 10% of the efforts that you make. 90% is hidden. In the end, it depends on whether you want to push yourself down a road that will bring you more hardships now or be patient with your dreams.

One of the most invaluable things I learned by seeing time as a factor of success is that nothing remains the same. Some times we forget that. That is why it is important you realize this so you don’t miss out on any golden nuggets.

Also Related: 7 Reasons Embracing Change is a Good Thing

What is your main takeaway from this post? Write in the comments section. Would love to know your thoughts on it.

KEEP P USHING

VANESSA

Why We Self-Sabotage (And What You Can Do About It)

by vanessa | Mar 6, 2019 | personal development

Why we self-sabotage (and what you can do about it)

Make mistakes, plenty of them as long as you grow and learn from them

Your hands clam up, your breathing becomes intense as your world crashes around you. Everything you thought you knew and understood becomes a blur. It is then you realize that you self-sabotage and it slaps you in the face, you aren’t equipped to do this. How can you? Your heart races and you can’t breathe, your legs wobble as your core shakes. The voices getting louder, thrashing in your head as it wants to explode.

Keeping calm is the priority, but how long will that last? Doing your best not to drown, but you and the people around you know that you are a joke. And everything comes undone and you are sinking, no one will come to rescue you. No one will hear your pleas as you drown and the darkness surrounds you.

My inner monologue sometimes gets carried away, but I am sure that we have all been there. There’s always this pivotal moment in our lives where we have to choose between courage and clamming up. Most of us clam up thinking or rather believing that we aren’t good enough. That we can’t do this and that stings because if we can’t actually overcome our doubt than what are we without it.

That’s life, so we are told, but the truth is we stop ourselves from actually going for our dreams due to self-sabotage. And every creative person goes through it. if you think you aren’t creative, that is a lie. Everyone is creative to some extent, because if you have ever gone through self-sabotage then you are a creative individual.

I recently came across this awesome article by Fizzle, highlighting awesome women in business. While I was looking at some of the women who made it on the list, I came across a woman I have never heard about. Amber Rae is regarded as the Millennial Motivator so that is what attracted me to her. It was then that I found this article that spoke volumes to me, it dealt with self-sabotage in a way that I have never thought of it before, in case you are interested it is here.

According to Rae there are three distinct voices that come to self-sabotage; The Inner Artist, The Inner Editor and The Inner Agent.

Download Your Free Beat Self-Sabotage Checklist

The Inner Artist

The Inner Artist is your most creative self, the one that relies on inspiration to motivate them. It is the best version of yourself when ideas strike and joy fills your whole body up. This version knows no criticism and rather they enjoy being in the moment when they feel free working on their projects. The Inner Artist is curious and uses that at its disposal to make strides in their work or projects. This stage is usually the phase where you are the most free and you run with your ideas, despite what anyone says or does.

The Inner Editor

Then the Inner Editor comes along and often the artist gets spooked, especially if they rush in as it often does. This phase is where the revising, cutting and restructuring happens. Your creative flow slows down and often hides in the back because the editor can be ruthless. It can say things that you might not be ready to hear, may be the right word here, is not prepared. But the editor doesn’t care. Its objective is to restructure something and either add or take away spice.

Your feelings are irrelevant to the editor who wants to do their job. Even if your feelings are hurt, the editor has done what it was meant to do. And that is what is important to it.

The Inner Agent

The agent is often like a cheerleader, it sells or markets the idea with either a few pompoms or a charming and addictive smile. The agent knows what they want and how to get it. Their job is to make sure your idea makes money even if you think it is ridiculous. That is what they want to achieve.

Have you ever heard of an elevator pitch? The belief is if your idea is good enough then you can sell an idea to someone in a short space of time usually in an elevator. It has to be short enough that someone gets the idea and if it can attract a listener’s attention. That is what your inner agent’s job is, to sell an idea without wasting a person’s time.

Three Ways You Can Fix it Right Now

The problem here is that we are competing with three separate voices that want something, one of them is going to be more prominent than the others, but that is when it becomes tricky. Knowing the right thing to do and the right time isn’t the easiest thing to do. Especially when you have to grapple with all the problems that come with the voices.

Understand Self-Sabotage

Self-sabotage can control your life if you let it and if you don’t understand it that is a big problem. It can literally ruin you, stop you from achieving your goals all because you haven’t understood the method in its madness. To move forward, you got to understand it. Once you understand then you can identify the problem and accept that you have to fix it.

Recognize the habits

Everyone of your voices has a different way of doing things. For example, you might procrastinate when the artist comes out or perfectionism could be your problem when the editor takes over. Or you could be too bossy when you’re selling. Once you recognize the habits, it is far easier to understand how you can fix the problem. A few years ago, I entered a singing competition, I had two songs that I wanted to sing just to make it to the next round. The first was an original and the second was a Beetles song. I started with the original and despite the fact that people liked the song I wasn’t sure. I got through to the next round and my inner artist kept telling me the song wasn’t good enough. In the process, I changed the song a couple of times so certain I was going to make a fool of myself.

I realized when it was too late that all I had to do was believe in myself. The competing voices where procrastination and perfectionism. One told me the song wasn’t good enough and the other kept me from actually making effort in practicing the song. If I had done that I would have come in first place.

This is just an example of what happens when you don’t recognize that you are self-sabotaging yourself.

Find Your Inner Cheerleader

My older sister used to say that you have to love yourself before anyone can love you. You have to be your own cheerleader before anyone can support you. Never understood that until later on in life and it is now that I realize how right she was. You have to find your inner cheerleader, the one that will pull you when everything pushes you down.

That is why the Agent is needed because it does just that. You never hear a salesman or a book agent tell you how bad their product is. No, they want you to invest in it so they will only mention the best qualities. You have to do the same, talk about how awesome you are. That you are not a failure, it is only then that you can actually find a way to overcome self-sabotage.

KEEP P USHING

VANESSA

Unappreciated, Underestimated, Unspectacular: How to Rise Above the Noise

by vanessa | Feb 27, 2019 | motivation, personal development

Unappreciated, Underestimated, Unspectacular: How To rise above the noise

You are worth than you have been made to believe. Keeping reading if you want to know how to rise above the noise.

I was the kid in the background, the kid with buck teeth and low self-esteem. The one who drank in the deep pits of insecurity, who people laughed at. For years, I listened to the taunters of my past, they sneered and lured me to the back with words I knew all too well. I dipped my head as I walked, ashamed of who I thought I was. Because I spent so many years living a lie, I couldn’t walk straight. I developed a hunchback, my back was so out of shape. Because of this I found it hard to rise above the noise.

I saw myself as unappreciated and unspectacular. I was definitely not the girl who would walk into a room and people would smile at. No, I was the girl who walked like a crab, the one who people mocked and those early years of school became the foundation I relied on. Due to my dwindling self-belief, I struggled in school, trying to pick up the pieces of information I didn’t quite understand. My teachers didn’t understand and I was a maverick to my peers. An outsider, who didn’t fit into any of the boxes kids should tick.

And it never used to be like this. At eight and nine I had more confidence than most kids my age. The problems were the voices I had wasted my time on and now I was sinking into the murky waters of a mind so lost that often I would blank out. I wanted to be swallowed up so that I could avoid the inevitable tick of my brain piecing words and images together. The doldrums of life not well-lived was what I had to look forward to at the end of a long day.

But with time I come out of the rumble stronger and it has taken me time to rise above the noise. It is only known that I realize what I was missing.

Your belief is stronger than you think

I spent so many years listening to people telling me who I was, I started believing them. The truth was along the way I lost myself and along with it my self-esteem. When we are seven, the foundation of our personality is built. The great Sigmund Freud that as young as five or seven that is when your personality develops. Little kids are still figuring out who they are and it easy to be swayed by people who tell them who they are. It is then that your personality shifts. Confident kids start having low self-esteem.

Your belief is stronger than you think because ultimately you change because you believe it. Who you say you are is ultimately who you become. It’s interesting that most of us don’t know how powerful the human mind is and once it is conditioned then you can change who you are. When you shift that belief into something positive then you rise above the noise.

I spent so much of my life listening to the voices of others, up to a point where I was tired of it. I had conditioned myself into believing them and I thought that they knew better. They knew more than me. Most people will tell you that, because they see who you are. You know yourself better than anyone else. You know your experiences better than anyone. That is what molded you today so don’t buy into the lies that people tell you. Unless all of sudden they can read minds then they don’t know you as well as they believe they do. Belief is one of the best ways to rise above the noise and move forward in your life.

Picking up the pieces

It took me years to find myself again, sometimes I wish that I had done it earlier on, but then I realize I wouldn’t have learned an invaluable lesson. Only you can pick up the pieces. That might seem like common sense, but we rely on relationships, people from our past to help us pick up the pieces. They can’t give you what you want. You have to find yourself and not rely on relationships to pick you up.

What I have learned is if you are broken you will find broken people. I spent years becoming friends with the wrong people, they were as broken as I was, a bit different. And I thought that we could fix each other. As a result, by the end of a year stint of being friends with them I was more messed up than I was before. I have come to understand that attraction is a powerful tool that we use unexpectedly. We use it nonetheless. I realized this too late. I am not saying I regret being friends with them, they taught me a lot and if I was stronger I could have handled them better. But at that time I wasn’t.

It was then that I realized the problem was I was relying on people fixing me. I wanted relationships to mend my broken heart. When that didn’t happen I felt unappreciated and unspectacular. I wanted more than anything to rise above the noise and the one thing I realized that helps is understand that we all are capable of so much more than we realize.

Being unimpressive in a world that demands it

I blame society for the pressure it puts on people. There’s this belief that from the time we go to school we should have a talent. Something to identify ourselves in a sea of people going to places. If you don’t have that, then you are seen as unimpressive and underestimated. You become a face among a board of faces, blending with flashes of smiles, frowns and grimaces. But not everyone finds what they are good at in school, for some people it takes years to realize what they are good at. It doesn’t even mean they are unimpressive or not good enough.

When we don’t try to figure out who we are, we end up having quarter-life crisis. Where we try to figure out the meaning of life. An existential crisis is not fun at all. Often it leads to a point where you look down the winding road and think that you are nothing more than a pebble being tossed. Most people who go through this crisis also tend to be depressed and the simple reason that they go through that is they haven’t taken their time to figure out who they are. Occam Razor states that often the simple solutions are the answer. A simple solution is to figure out who you are.

It is never too late. it took me twenty-four years to figure this out. It took me thirteen years to realize I had a knack for writing. And it took me twice as long to actually harness the talent. It is never too late despite what people think.

Don’t be ashamed of your past

Most of us are ashamed of our past. We see it as black ink on a paper, too loud and dark that it takes away the beauty of a well-written letter. Our past molds us into being who we are today. If it wasn’t for my past, I wouldn’t be this person. Once I let go of the shame, I learned to love myself. The trick to rising above the noise is to simply let go of your past and to see it as lessons, not punishment.

After this, you learn to love yourself. For years I thought I loved myself, but then I would become self-deprecating and I realized it wasn’t the case. I had been living a lie and it all stemmed from the shame of my past. Shivers ran down my back whenever I thought about it. My past brought up things I didn’t want to think about, experiences far too many to bring up.

Shame clouds your judgment and shifts your perspective. Your past can’t deter you from where you want to go. Only you can. Your past is simply a lighthouse that reminds you that even from a distance you are capable of so much. It is there so you can steer your course and find your way back to that point where you are your best version. Most of us live with shame, seeing it as a black cloak swallowing us whole.

What I want you to walk away with is knowing that you can actually change your life, perspective and belief in just a week. All it takes is constantly working on it. You must find yourself in order to rise above the noise, it is only then you will learn to love yourself and develop self-confidence that pushes you forward in your life.

Also Related: Why You Shouldn’t Let The Past Define You?

What is your main takeaway and what is the one thing that you are going to work on this week? Comment below.

KEEP P USHING

VANESSA

How To See Beauty In Everything

by vanessa | Feb 20, 2019 | Blog, personal development

how to see the beauty in everything

Sometimes it is hard to see the beauty especially when life throws you curveballs.

When loss and pain get in the way, a result of this is a broken spirit and a despondent smile that refuses to slip away into the morning. Even when dawn breaks the pain is reflected in the melting wax, the soft glimmer of the light and the pain of a broken smile. It is hard to let go of years of abuse. Instead, we become mistrustful and choose to walk the road alone. I have been there dozens of times, my pen moving on pages of a journal. My thoughts burned as I tried my best to get out the words in time, tears mixing with the ink, blotching the once clear handwriting and truly reflecting what I feel inside.

The burden of it all, a cry for help that everyone refuses to listen to. The darkness calling my name as I took a step forward, my heart beating as if the air is being choked out of me and my name is called like a thousand bells in the morning. But with time, I would heal so I thought, but years went by and the wound got bigger until I was sinking in the quicksand of my own making. I was the destroyer of worlds, so I believed. I was destroying myself and therefore anyone who came close to me was near the flame.

It has taken years for me to come out of the storm, to understand that I was so lost in my own pain that I had forgotten how I could see the beauty in life. To me, beauty was nothing more than a crafty illusion that whispered words of nonsense expecting me to accept its lies. The loneliness that I accepted had created a void that sucked everything in it and there were the voices that spoke and crippled the best parts of me. So, I believed and it is now that I realize I was in a daze. With all that goes on in the world and the problems that strike a chord, it is easy to see the world as black and white.

Let go of the pain

When I was a kid I hated the world, my anger was so strong that I was mistrustful. Though I tried to ignore the anger crawling over my skin, it didn’t work. I couldn’t let go of the pain I experienced when I closed my eyes all I saw were people ogling me and I heard laughter. I was ashamed of who I was and I never wanted to smile and when I did, it was so fake.

For a long time I lied to myself, pretending that I was okay, but I knew that wasn’t the case. I didn’t know how to love, how to be happy and it all stemmed from the pain that I refused to let go. We get so used to pain that we forget how to not live without it and once that happens, time passes and we forget a time when we were truly happy. People wear masks and I wore so many masks that along the way I forgot who I was. You are who you are today because of the pain that you chose to hold on to. Most of us do that and use it as a shield. A wall to protect us from those who threaten to destroy us.

At the time of crafting the plan it might seem an ideal way not to get burned, but life doesn’t work like that. No matter what we do, there are always ways to get burned or hurt and building walls is the fastest way to do that. People who never let go of their pain never go anywhere in life. If you want to be successful in your life, to truly be happy or be all that you want to be, you must let go of the pain. Even if it has comforted you. What you will realize is that it did far more harm than good.

Also Read: Why You Shouldn’t Let The Past Define You

Step out of your comfort zone

Sometimes the best way to see the way beauty in everything is to actually step out of your comfort zone. To meet new people that you normally would never meet. It is here that you realize there’s so much to life than your pain or problems, often it is hard to forget that we spend our times doing the same old things.

Stepping out of your comfort zone is a scary thing to do because you can’t control the outcome. You have no idea what will happen next and that is a good thing. That is the best way to get you out of your funk which is what you need to do. You have to accept that you spent your whole life in thinking about the past and you have to move on.

Also Read: 10 Ways to Overcome Fear and Break Out of Your Comfort Zone

Stop running and face it

Most of us run away from our problems. We are so used to doing that, it is ingrained in us and when facing problems we run away. I once was told that no matter where you go your problems go with you. And that is so true, we believe that changing our surroundings, makes life easier. For a brief moment, your problems go away. But what I have realized is that not dealing with your problems is not a solution.

Forgetting your problems for a few hours isn’t detrimental, but longer than that, more problems will come your way. You have to stop running or pretending that everything is okay. You have to face the pain, the problems and figure out way out of it. It is only then that you will truly heal. Running away isn’t the solution, neither is ignoring your problems. It can seem a simple solution, but it does come with its set of problems. Realizing that will save you a lot of pain and tumult.

What curveballs has life thrown that has stopped you moving forward? Comment below.

KEEP P USHING

VANESSA