Why You Shouldn’t Let Your Past Define You

by vanessa | May 29, 2019 | motivation, personal development

Why You shouldn’t let your past define you

We have a choice, either to let the past define us or build us up.

As children we go through growth spurts, most of it builds us up and there are moments when it does the exact opposite. Being the last born, I was always behind my siblings who seemed to have life figured out. I was their kid sister, the one who made mistakes, failed numerous times. Repeated a couple of times. I was labeled the kid who wouldn’t do much with their life. Teachers paid me no mind, every test, I always had the come see me in bold red ink.

We have all gone through those moments when we allow the hurt of our past to make way into our present and future. Maybe, it is easier, after all, if everyone thinks you’re a clown, doesn’t it use far too much energy proving them wrong. Most of us go through these moments when we decide that we should allow the past to hold us back.

The problem here is that you won’t get to take advantage of the opportunities that come your way. We have a choice in what we decide to do with our life.

Sometimes, the choice isn’t as easy as deciding what kind of ice cream you want or what you should do after work. Most times the choice is hard, but if you allow your past to define you then it will always will.

Your story is worth being

It’s easy to think that your life was harder than your friends. The truth is we all experience hardship at different times in our lives. For some it happens earlier on, some it has more to do with physical than emotional trauma. Hardship is hardship. What you experience isn’t harder or easier than the next person? Most people don’t want their experiences to build them up because they dwell in that hurt.

In the emotional heartbreak of their past and they never move past it. Never see the silver lining and find peace. The truth is our experiences make us better and therefore we should allow our story to be told. I was friends with a girl who was deemed ugly when I was a child, she was soft-spoken and intelligent. No one saw that instead they saw her flaws, didn’t deem her worthy enough and ridiculed her. Boys taunted her, saw as some virus that needed to be cured.

They avoided her. There are people who have gone through that and ended up being called the most beautiful person in the world. They’re stories of people who have vitiligo who have achieved things that most people can’t. They’re stories of people who were born different and yet, they have proved that their stories are worth being told. But when you allow the hurt of the past to define you, then it will never ever leave you.

It will never get better

Until you realize that what people say about you doesn’t define you then it will control you. For the longest time, I believed I was stupid because everyone around me acted as though I was. Was it hard? Of course, but we all go through hardship. Mine was in the classroom, playground and at home. Trying to grasp concepts I couldn’t understand.

The quitting attitude comes when we allow the past to define us. We use excuses to protect us, but in the long run, we are doing more harm than good. It affects the way we look at ourselves, our self-esteem is lowered.

You go through moments when you remember that you failed in the past, that fear pushes you back. Because you see yourself as a victim of your past. But if you don’t let go of that pain, it will hinder you. You’ll become bitter, unforgiving and angry. That is not living. I am not a personal development coach. My experience stems from knowing that the past has a way of turning the purest of souls into drones.

You need to find a way to let go of the past so you can achieve what you are meant to do.

Fear will control you

Don’t let fear control you because if you do then you’ll always be afraid to step out of your box. We’re all different and on some level, we know this. However, that doesn’t equate to us going for what makes us happy. Doing professions that we love. That is the problem, we have no idea what to do with our lives. They’re those that do, but they never go for their dreams.

Sometimes, we want people to root for us in the background. Cheer us on and what I have come to understand is very few people will be in your corner. Not because they don’t care about you, but they’re battling with their own fears. Because of that they find that they can’t build you up. They can’t cheer for you when they are so uncertain of themselves.

We walk around with mirrors, where ever we go. We want people to see us for being brave, but most of us are afraid to go after what we want. Quit the job we hate, walk away from certainty, say no to our peers and friends. It’s hard to do that. So, we pretend and we go on like this, never realizing our potential because we’re terrified.

Living a life of regret isn’t worth it

Here’s the thing it is better to fail dozens of times then regret never actually going for something. Yes, failing sucks. It is agonizing having to go through that, we all fail. Even successful people fail, we don’t know about it because their successes outnumber their failures. But everyone goes through it. I can go through a list of people who have failed, but after a while it sounds corny.

The question I want you to ask yourself is at the end of your life or when you turn sixty-five, what to you want to be known for? Then I want you to think what you want your life to be like right now, not tomorrow or a few months in the past. Can you imagine your life? Do you want to travel, see more of the world, write a book, sing on stage, do public speaking. Be featured on magazines, work for a charity, start a restaurant. There’s nothing impossible, you can do anything as long as you set

your mind to it. If you work on it, then you’ll achieve it. We were created for a purpose, sometimes, we forget that.

So, believe in your heart that you’re here for a reason. Don’t let your past define you. Don’t let the words of strangers in your past hold you from achieving all you want to.

What is your one takeaeway from this post? Let me known in the comments section.

KEEP P USHING

VANESSA

4 Things You Need To Remember When Giving Up

by vanessa | May 22, 2019 | motivation, personal development, Success

4 THINGS you need to remember when giving up

Giving up always comes at a cost and it’s important to remember that.

I woke up early in the morning, my head throbbing and my mouth dry. The day prior I had endured a speech from my parents, telling me I was making a mistake with my life. I understood where they were coming from, here I was working on an online business instead of finding a job. Three years being jobless had made me question my life’s purpose and I knew that sitting in a cubicle wasn’t one of them. There where times when giving up seemed like the only option and I had wanted more than anything to give up, but something within me refused for me to throw the towel in.

The problem was I didn’t know anyone who had done the online thing. My aunt mentioned months ago that her friend had lost everything pursuing making

money online. I started questioning whether I was making a mistake again, I had gone nowhere. And yet, I knew I didn’t want to work for a boss my whole life. I had come to realize working for someone wasn’t for everyone, I had done it for almost a year before I started looking for another company. The company I had worked for before was going under so I had to look somewhere else.

For three months, I watched television, sat on the couch and reflected on my life until I snapped out of it. That is was brought me here to this moment of building an online business. The people who I told, never said anything and I couldn’t blame them. Most people don’t make money online and that’s a fact. The problem most people don’t realize is that more people give up before they even reach their milestones.

There’s A Reason You Started

The reason why giving up seems so much easier is because you forget the reason why you started on the journey. When I was a kid, my favorite song was I can by Nas. I’d nod my head and sing the song. I was motivated to be all I wanted to know. Most kids are told they can be whoever they want and reality hits.

Your dream career is frivolous and people shake their head at the idea. Most of us want to be more than who we become. That’s because we stop believing that we can truly become all we want to be. And that is how doubt comes and turns you around. From going after your dream, you start doubting you can even do it.

There’s always a reason why you started and until you remind yourself then you’ll always let doubt push you back. Adulting is hard, that is due to us believing that has to be. Sure, making tough decisions is hard, but why is it kids are relentless. Maybe because they really don’t care what people think. Little kids care more about learning and making mistakes than they do about what people think.

That is until the tide turns and we strive to make people accept us. What I have realized is people rarely spend time thinking about you unless they have nothing better to do? Normally we get this image of someone thinking about us or what we said. People are so busy with their own lives that they don’t have time to think about what you’re doing.

So, if that’s a reason why you are giving up, you shouldn’t. Then again, you could be going through the many stages of frustration. We all have been there. I used to have massive stage fright until I learned that one of the most important things is your message. This is the reason why you do what you do, what you want to be known for and who you are as a person. Everything else is noise that you need to block.

Remember there are people who have done it before

You’re not alone. There have been people who have done what you are doing at this moment. The number one reason why we give up is we believe that were pioneers. And as we all know pioneers mostly die broke or get shot.

Bit dramatic, but most pioneers make history when they are dead. In the last couple of years, that has changed, there are thousands of people making money online. There are people who have been where you are and that is why you need to look for people who inspire you so that you don’t give up.

You might not know anyone personally, but the proof is plastered on the internet. Stories break out of seventeen-year-old kids building empires to philanthropist self- millionaires. The road doesn’t have to be as hard as you imagine it. You don’t have to go alone and think that there’s no way to the top of the mountain. You have to believe that you can conquer it if someone who was living on the streets can become an entrepreneur then you can do anything. True story, John Paul Dejoria was once homeless and now is a billionaire.

There are hundreds of stories out there are of people defying the odds and most have of them had the belief they were here for a reason. They had faith that their life wasn’t just about odds, but they had a calling. If you want inspiration, just look at Lewis Howes, Chris Gardner, Dani Johnson, and the list goes on. They beat the odds, I truly believe that you as well.

Remember fear is a liar

The first time I decided to ignore the loud voice of fear in my head I was standing on stage in front of over two hundred people. Doing something I never thought I would do again. I hated pubic speaking as a kid and yet here I was a person with massive stage fright. My heart leaped out of my chest and my knees shook. The room was dark and the stage had been lit. If it wasn’t for that I would have fainted, but I did my best. Listened to the voice that said I had this and when finished I went back to my seat.

I was in my first year of university. My whole body shook as I waited for the people to be announced. I knew for certain there was no way I would win. I dipped my head, shame washing over me and then my name was called. To my surprise, people called out my name and everyone stood up. I had won a gold metal for public speaking. I was shocked, even to this day I don’t understand it.

The reason why I told you that story is because I was a shy girl who mumbled and was made fun of. I was the clown and the jab of most jokes. I wasn’t confident and I definitely wasn’t a public speaker. Often, we allow fear to decide who we become and yet, we have the choice in that decision. Only you decide who you become and fear is a tool used to push you back. To stop you from achieving anything, but you decide who you want to be. No one else.

It might seem as though giving up is your only option out there, but that is a clever lie meant to stall you from going after your dreams. You need to understand that fear only does one thing, it stops you from building up your dreams. If you were to look closer, you will realize that fear are false events appearing real.

A lot of the times fears presents itself when we are about to give up and because we allow the past to define us, we let fear. If you want to learn how not to let your past define who you ultimately become, you can read the blog post about it here.

Remember you can ask for help

Not everyone has your interests at heart, we learn that the hard way. That doesn’t mean you have to do all this alone. There are people who are in our lives who will encourage us to keep going forward. There are people who inspire us to keep moving and that can be someone from your past or present. There are also tons of free groups built exactly for that.

Sure, going alone has an interesting appeal especially when we thinking of ourselves as the lone wolf. What most people don’t understand about lone wolves they are vulnerable and weak. A pack makes you stronger and humans need support. It is our built-in function to crave it, and sometimes it is hard doing all this by yourself.

Not having anyone support you. So if you find that you’re struggling, why not search online for support groups or people doing exactly what you’re doing.

It will make the journey far less terrifying.

Giving up is not the solution your problems, if you are stuck and are about to cal, it quit, ask for help. When you do that, you will realize that giving up won’t help you fix your problems. In fact, it will do more damage than good.

Most times, we need to know that we aren’t alone and motivation to keep going. Power of Positivity wrote a blog post with 11 quotes that are sure to motivate you when you feel as though nothing is working out.

What is your one takeaway from this post? Comment below.

KEEP PUSHING

VANESSA

How To Figure Out What You Want Without Losing It

by vanessa | May 8, 2019 | Entrepreneurs, motivation

How To figure out what you want without losing your mind?

Figuring out what you want is only half the battle, the other is going after it.

Before choosing entrepreneurship, I wanted to be an inventor, psychologist, singer, reporter, event planner and the list goes on. One of the hardest questions to answer is what we want and what we want in life? The two are linked by a loose string that gets tighter the harder it gets to answer the question. The truth is most of us have no freaking clue what we want because that often is the question dangling in our mind. The question usually dangles a white flag in our mind is what am I even doing?

That question often gives us such a migraine that everything else seems like a cruel joke and we go on a self-discovery until we figure out what we want. People tell us when we get older we’ll figure it out, but we never do. There’s so much going on in our lives that we don’t have time to figure it so we do what every sane person does give up the goose. That is what most of us do? From the time we are kids to eighteen, we ask questions until we give it up. We go to college for four years, studying a degree that makes us want to crawl under the bed. All so we can graduate and work in a job we hate.

This isn’t a blog post really about your passion. The truth is most of us go through dozens of dreams before settling down on the one dream that gives us such a powerful feeling. It electrifies every electron and gives us this feeling of being alive. That feeling of being alive, it is an opium to the dream seekers. The ones who crave a life with their very soul, the ones with arms stretched wide and who don’t care if they look sane.

Most of us do care, for the most part, we just don’t want to lose our mind. So, here it goes.

What don’t you want

Most of us have no clue what we want. That is the problem. What we do know is what we don’t want? We might not want to wake up early in the morning, to eat cold breakfast or to work in a manual labor job. I used to want to be a singer, I thought it would make me happy. I spent five years trying out being a singer, I entered the Nashville Songwriting competition thinking it would be my golden ticket.

Of course, I was wrong, I didn’t go into the final rounds of the competition. However, Nashville still wanted to produce my song. Here’s the thing, I had to pay money for it to be produced. I found myself at crossroads, I wanted proof that I was good enough. I might not have been the best songwriter they found, but I had a choice to change that. My heart wasn’t in it. Along the way I realized I didn’t want to be a singer, I didn’t want to spend years cracking into the music industry. My passion has withered away and I realized it was nothing more than an illusion.

It took me five years to realize this, often we hold onto dreams, thinking it is what we want. Until we ask the hard question, what don’t I want? My dream was an illusion and I gave it up without thinking twice about it. Illusions come and go, but dreams stay. No matter, how old you become there are the whispers telling you the road you are embarking on is the wrong one.

Focus on experience

Our experiences shape us into who we later on become. Often we don’t utilize them fully and are left with gaping holes on what we should do next. The thing is we have lived full lives, spanning decades and all of us have experiences. We have gone through things that have taught, shaped and molded us into the person we are now. I have always wanted to be a writer, that is the one dream that has never left me, regardless of how old I have gotten.

My experience with writing is filled to the brim with stories that never got published, rejection letters or the silence of a windy city. But what I have discovered is rejection is inevitable and it can come from anyone even your family members or closest friends. I experienced rejection at thirteen and instead of it pushing me back, it made me relentless. There are these pivotal moments in our lives that teach us who we are and who we will become.

How does a thirteen-year-old know who they will be at twenty, twenty-six or even at thirty? The thing is they don’t, but they catch a glimpse of what they want. Rely on your experiences to tell you what you want from life. It can be even on a small scale. It doesn’t have to be grand in scale, but an important moment in your life you can rely on.

What do you want to be known for?

Growing up my mother had this saying, she’d ask me what I want to be known for? Then she’d say, leave an impact in everything you do. At the time, I had no idea what she was talking about. I was twelve, so I had no idea what I wanted to be known for. All I wanted was to live a full life. It was later on, I realized I wanted to be known for changing people’s lives with stories. I have always been a storyteller, even when I told people events, they were always as if I was telling a story.

I hated it when people told me that because it felt as if I was a joke. Now, I realize, that is who I am as a person. It is the embodiment of all that I am. What is the one thing you want to be known for? It doesn’t have to be on a grand scale, it might simply be making people happy. One of my dearest friends has a sunshine personality, she knows how to make the people around her comfortable without even trying. Sometimes we think that we have to wow the world on a great stage or be a big personality. The truth is not all of us are public speakers, actors or politicians. And we don’t have to be to leave a footprint.

Look at your inspirations

In my dreams, I sat with legends, discussing topics. I had posters of legends, I collected poems and quotes from the greats. I read their books, fell into the words and sang their praises. They were all I wanted to be and more. I crafted dreams of living a life they lived. Changing lives, one word at a time and so my story unfolded. We all admire people, often it can be a family member or someone with a larger platform. The truth is that it doesn’t matter who inspires us, what matters is what we do with that?

The people who inspire you, motivate you to be someone better than yourself. As a kid, my role model was my sister and that is the reason why I wanted to be a singer. I wanted to be more like her. She was in the choir and performed in high school. The older I got, the number of role models I had increased and authors inspired me more than performers. Entrepreneurs pushed me and I looked to them for inspiration on how to manifest my goals.

This is one of the easiest ways to figure out what you want without losing your mind. Without thinking that your dream is odd or too big. The truth is before these people achieved success they were like you and me. Trying to figure this thing called life before they lost their mind. So, if they can do it then there’s no reason you can’t.

What do you think you want in life? Comment below

Keep Pushing

Vanessa

Why You Should Find Your Purpose

by vanessa | Apr 3, 2019 | motivation, Success

Why You should find your purpose

Follow your purpose, you’ll be surprised where it will take you

Finding your purpose has become a controversial topic, one that people utter in disbelief or is seen as taboo. There are two camps of people; one that follows the narrow and straight path, and the other that chooses to go on a different journey. The latter are seen as mavericks, the weirdos of society unless you are Tony Robbins, Oprah Winfreys, Marie Forleos, Zendayas, Roger Federers, and the list goes on.

Success seems to be reserved for the successful. Stories of the underdog rising to the top and building a millionaire dollar empire while working at home inspire us. They always inspire us because that is what success stories were designed for. Yet, many of us go back to our lives and we forget what we read prior. We forget that nothing remains the same.

That is why finding your purpose is controversial. There are gurus that say you shouldn’t and in a way they make sense. Finding your purpose and going for it requires patience and determination. The road is a hard one, full of potholes, headaches, and pains that will definitely make you question everything. There are days when you’ll be broke, sleeping on your sister’s couch and people will definitely tell you that you are crazy.

It is a lonely road and that is why most gurus tell you to not go down the hard route but choose something safer. That is because not everyone can handle following their purpose or passion. Most don’t want to go through the hurdles, you have to jump over so you can find your pot of gold or three-leafed clovers.

Despite the heartache that comes from following your purpose, I still believe you should.

Doing something you love will make you happier

There are a lot of people that believe happiness is a result of success and this can’t be further from the truth. Even if you have a great job with awesome benefits, but still feel aimless then there’s no point. As kids, were made to believe that high-paying jobs will give us the life we want. If that’s the case then why are so many people unhappy. If we look at the greats, despite all their problems, they were happy when they were following their purpose.

They had financial issues, marital problems and many died far too young, but they created an impact doing what they loved. The big difference between then and now is that you don’t have to be a starving entrepreneur or artist to make it.

One of the keys to happiness is doing what you love and not chasing the money trail. Money does not make you happy in spite of what people say. You could have all the money in the world and still feel empty. This has been proven time again, money isn’t the key to happiness, but living a purposeful life is. I wrote a post about how following your passions will make you a whole lot happier, you can check it out here.

Your story will help people

Since I was ten years old, I have believed that everything happens for reason. Maybe, the reason why I believed such a thing at a young age was because of a

Lindsay Lohan movie I watched. I started realizing that life was made of small and big moments that change the course of our lives. These small moments teach us pivotal lessons that prepare us for the bigger moments. It takes time for us to realize that and once it does, it changes the way we look at life. The first real death experience I had was when I was eight years old and I got into an accident.

It changed the way I looked at life. At first, I thought I wasn’t special, but the people around me told me otherwise. They told me I nearly died and for the longest time, I wondered why I didn’t die. I could have simply died and that would have been the end of it. The older I got the more pain I experienced from all areas in my life. I made friends with the wrong people, lost my self-worth a couple of times, became suicidal and I was aimless. I knew what I wanted, but I didn’t think I deserved to go for it.

Despite believing that everything happens for reason, I refused to believe that I had survived this long for a reason. In all honesty, sometimes we believe that there’s nothing special about us. But our stories can change someone’s life in more ways than one. I wish I knew someone who had gone through what I had because that little girl believed she was worthless needed to know they weren’t alone. Often, that is why we need to tell our stories to believe that we were not alone in this journey. We all are special because of the way we can impact people’s lives.

You never know the impact your story can have on people who’re going through what you went through.

You deserve to try it out

Everyone has dreams, whether it is big or small. The unfortunate thing is most of us never follow them. Too afraid that we’ll fail or we’re not worthy of going for it. I once watched a video of Will Smith and he spoke about how many believe that success is esoteric. At that time I wasn’t sure what he meant, but now I understand. There’s this fear that we are not good enough to be successful or talented enough to achieve anything.

I can point a dozen people who sucked at things at first. Take Tom Cruise for example, one of the first ever movies he did, he couldn’t act. The movie was too painful to watch that I wished it would die a quick death. Granted, very few people remember that movie. Even though Tom Cruise failed, no one remembers that. He became an icon due to hard work and perseverance.

Peter Voogd, a serial entrepreneur lost purpose and was bankrupt before he even started. A few years later he came back with an inspiring story of how he doubled his income in six months. There are hundreds of stories out there of people who weren’t at their best when they started their journeys. And that is the point that we often forget. It isn’t about how many times you fail, but rather about what you do after. If you don’t go after your dreams then you will always wonder what if.

I believe you never know where something will take you unless you give it a chance and that is the same concept here. You need to find your purpose, for your sanity and if you don’t you’ll always live a life of regret.

It is better to fail than to regret never going after something because you were too afraid of what might happen.

What is your main takeaway from this post and what do you believe is your purpose? Write your comment below? Would love to know your thoughts

KEEP P USHING

VANESSA

How To Face And Overcome Obstacles

by vanessa | Mar 20, 2019 | motivation, personal development

How To Face and overcome Your obstacles

Obstacles are placed to hinder and obstruct your progress, but it only works if you allow it to. If you want to know how to face and overcome obstacles keep reading.

When I was a kid I hated hurdles, to me there was no sense in having to jump over them. I have had to learn how to face and overcome obstacles in order to move forward.

I was too afraid to jump over them so I started going around the hurdles. The fear was crippling, it took siege of my heart and mind. That was the day when I saw hurdles as constructs and I got into the habit of going around things instead of facing them. I believed if I dared jump over the hurdles I would fail. I saw them as roadblocks that I couldn’t jump over so I had to cheat to play the game. The older I got the more emboldened I was by the idea until I realized I had been playing catch-up all along.

I believed I had figured out the secret to facing my obstacles, but I hadn’t. I just knew how to cheat. You know that saying cheaters never prosper, I thought it was bogus. An old wives tale that scared you into following the rules. Now I realize that cheating the game can only get you so far. Obstacles as much as we hate to admit are inescapable. Believe me, even in absolute luxury, you have obstacles. Money can only take you so far, but if you don’t have the keys to facing your obstacles, you will keep having your progress hindered.

We often see obstacles as external forces, but they can also be internal and habitual forces. Habitual forces such as stress, overwhelm and anger takes time to overcome. You have to learn how to face and overcome them if you want to thrive in life and most people don’t do this. What I listed below are some of the best ways to face and overcome obstacles.

Understand Your Obstacle

My obstacles were more internal than external, I battled with demons that ridiculed and pestered me. Words so jarring it left me hollow, days were spent staring at the ceiling, wondering what the purpose of life truly was. I struggled for years, dealing with my own inadequacies, crippling fears and the pain that kept pushing me to the edge. I didn’t understand that I was depressed and suicidal. To me, I was surviving and that is what mattered.

Every obstacle you face stems from past experiences and that is why it hinders you the way it does. The only way to deal with it is to actually access why it has this amount of power over you. Some obstacles are of course worse, but there are ways to deal with it, as long as it doesn’t stop you from pushing forward.

Your obstacles are either driven by external forces; natural disasters, economy, your social circle, and physical limitations or by internal forces. These are your beliefs, losing weight, fear, your past experiences, pain and the list goes on. You have to understand which one drives you the most because it is here that you can understand how to face and overcome the obstacle. If you want to face and overcome your obstacle then you need to understand it. Only then can you beat it.

Devise A Plan

Life happens when you are making other plans, so it goes. You can’t plan for everything if that was possible there’d be no obstacles. But things happen when you least expect it. However, when you are dealing with an obstacle it helps to come up with a plan on how to solve it. It doesn’t have to be a master plan. It can even be a few steps you take so you don’t have to go through the pain of an obstacle. Some obstacles are so powerful that they can even destroy you. Don’t mean to be macabre, but a lot of people go through obstacles that leave them feeling numb. One of my favorite motivational speakers is Nick Vujicic who was born with tetra-amelia syndrome. Every day he was overcome with the obstacle of living a life without arms or legs.

Nick Vujicic had to overcome all three obstacles and there were times in his life where he wanted to kill himself. If it wasn’t for his family telling him he was good enough, he might have given up or allowed his condition to prevent him from achieving anything, but he didn’t. This rare condition in itself was an obstacle that most people fail to face because the world is usually painted in black and white.

It wants us to believe that you have to look a certain way to achieve success, to live in a certain country to have a better life or be an anomaly to be a success story. That is far from the truth, Nick is an example of someone who refused to allow any obstacle to stop him from reaching great heights. Nick faced his obstacle so he could overcome it. He had to devise a plan in order to execute it. Don’t throw away the plan it will help you face and overcome the obstacle.

Also Related: 7 Life Skills To Sky Rocket Your Success

Reflect Your Successes and Failures

Reflection is an integral part of growth and yet it is underutilized, probably because it is seen as something that philosophical people do. My first year of college I was taught reflection and it changed my life for the better. I saw it as a tool to understand where I was on my progress ladder. We all have these ladders of progress, depending on the person it can have different levels. There’s the bottom rung where you start, this could be the first day of kindergarten or college or even your job. The next rung is the next step you want to take or took. The way your ladder looks depends on who you are as a person. Some people have long ladders while others have shorter ones. It all depends on who you are, whether you are ambitious or more altruistic. Your ladder is a reflection of your dreams, ambitions, and hopes.

Most of us have successes or our failures as rungs. That might sound counter-intuitive, but failures as well, as our successes define, who we become in our life. To many people, failure is seen as obstacles, but there are teaching points that you need to reflect on. For example, I had stage fright. Every time I was on stage my heart raced, my palms would sweat and my knees would shake. I choked on my words, but despite the fear, it never stopped me from actually stepping onto that platform. And I was overcome with embarrassment every time I did. That was my failure when I went to college, I knew I had to overcome that fear.

I did. It took a while, but I knew that I had to do it. It was important that I did. When you reflect on your failures as painful as it is, you are more willing to try again. When you reflect on your successes you understand what you did right and can repeat the same formula. Reflect on your successes and obstacles so that you can face and overcome the obstacle.

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Work at it

One of the most beloved children stories is Jack and the Beanstalk because it has great life lessons. It is about a kid who struggled with self-discipline. Some would say Jack was lazy, but it was just that he lacked self-discipline. It isn’t the easiest thing to get a handle on, there are days when you don’t want to work at all. We all go through that, but what I have learned is the easy way isn’t always the best. As hard as it gets, you have to work at it.

Procrastination is the killer of dreams and the reason why most people aren’t where they are. Devising your plan is only one step, but you have to carry it out and work at it. At first, it will feel weird, but with time it will get a lot easier for you to do it. You can only overcome your obstacles when you actually follow through and work on it. This might be hard at first, but you have to remember, limit your distractions, improve time management skills and push through. This stage you might feel stuck, so you need to go back to your checklist and look through what tasks you wrote down.

If you don’t work on your obstacles you will be unable to face and overcome it.

Visualize Your Success

Obstacles get the best of us because we don’t visualize our success, we don’t see ourselves overcoming our problems and that there is the problem. For every problem, there are two or more solutions. So it isn’t impossible for you to overcome your obstacles. To rise to the top and actually be your own success story. When you focus more on the future than your problems, it will be a lot easier for you to deal with the cards that you are dealt with.

When you visualize your success, you increase the dopamine and that is a very good thing. Dopamine is the hormone responsible for happiness so therefore you are likely to get a positive attitude. So this is an easier way of improving your life. If you are positive then you attract good things in your life and even when you face obstacles, they don’t have as much of a hold on you. I used to be a negative person and when an obstacle came my way, it felt like the world was ending. When my attitude changed, I looked at life differently.

There are times when you have to choose the easiest way to improving your life. You don’t have to be like a character from a Telenovela in order for you to achieve success. Sometimes all it takes is changing your mindset and attitude to change your life. I am not saying this is the master solution for all your problems and obstacles, but it will make it a lot easier to face your problems if you have a positive attitude.

Remember visualizing your success is the best way to face and overcome your obstacle. When you focus on where you will be days, months or years from now, it will give you the courage to face and overcome the obstacle.

Also Related: 5 Ways of Helping You Visualize Your Success

What is your main takeaway from this and what obstacles have you had to deal with? How did you deal with it? Comment below.

Keep Pushing

Vanessa

Unappreciated, Underestimated, Unspectacular: How to Rise Above the Noise

by vanessa | Feb 27, 2019 | motivation, personal development

Unappreciated, Underestimated, Unspectacular: How To rise above the noise

You are worth than you have been made to believe. Keeping reading if you want to know how to rise above the noise.

I was the kid in the background, the kid with buck teeth and low self-esteem. The one who drank in the deep pits of insecurity, who people laughed at. For years, I listened to the taunters of my past, they sneered and lured me to the back with words I knew all too well. I dipped my head as I walked, ashamed of who I thought I was. Because I spent so many years living a lie, I couldn’t walk straight. I developed a hunchback, my back was so out of shape. Because of this I found it hard to rise above the noise.

I saw myself as unappreciated and unspectacular. I was definitely not the girl who would walk into a room and people would smile at. No, I was the girl who walked like a crab, the one who people mocked and those early years of school became the foundation I relied on. Due to my dwindling self-belief, I struggled in school, trying to pick up the pieces of information I didn’t quite understand. My teachers didn’t understand and I was a maverick to my peers. An outsider, who didn’t fit into any of the boxes kids should tick.

And it never used to be like this. At eight and nine I had more confidence than most kids my age. The problems were the voices I had wasted my time on and now I was sinking into the murky waters of a mind so lost that often I would blank out. I wanted to be swallowed up so that I could avoid the inevitable tick of my brain piecing words and images together. The doldrums of life not well-lived was what I had to look forward to at the end of a long day.

But with time I come out of the rumble stronger and it has taken me time to rise above the noise. It is only known that I realize what I was missing.

Your belief is stronger than you think

I spent so many years listening to people telling me who I was, I started believing them. The truth was along the way I lost myself and along with it my self-esteem. When we are seven, the foundation of our personality is built. The great Sigmund Freud that as young as five or seven that is when your personality develops. Little kids are still figuring out who they are and it easy to be swayed by people who tell them who they are. It is then that your personality shifts. Confident kids start having low self-esteem.

Your belief is stronger than you think because ultimately you change because you believe it. Who you say you are is ultimately who you become. It’s interesting that most of us don’t know how powerful the human mind is and once it is conditioned then you can change who you are. When you shift that belief into something positive then you rise above the noise.

I spent so much of my life listening to the voices of others, up to a point where I was tired of it. I had conditioned myself into believing them and I thought that they knew better. They knew more than me. Most people will tell you that, because they see who you are. You know yourself better than anyone else. You know your experiences better than anyone. That is what molded you today so don’t buy into the lies that people tell you. Unless all of sudden they can read minds then they don’t know you as well as they believe they do. Belief is one of the best ways to rise above the noise and move forward in your life.

Picking up the pieces

It took me years to find myself again, sometimes I wish that I had done it earlier on, but then I realize I wouldn’t have learned an invaluable lesson. Only you can pick up the pieces. That might seem like common sense, but we rely on relationships, people from our past to help us pick up the pieces. They can’t give you what you want. You have to find yourself and not rely on relationships to pick you up.

What I have learned is if you are broken you will find broken people. I spent years becoming friends with the wrong people, they were as broken as I was, a bit different. And I thought that we could fix each other. As a result, by the end of a year stint of being friends with them I was more messed up than I was before. I have come to understand that attraction is a powerful tool that we use unexpectedly. We use it nonetheless. I realized this too late. I am not saying I regret being friends with them, they taught me a lot and if I was stronger I could have handled them better. But at that time I wasn’t.

It was then that I realized the problem was I was relying on people fixing me. I wanted relationships to mend my broken heart. When that didn’t happen I felt unappreciated and unspectacular. I wanted more than anything to rise above the noise and the one thing I realized that helps is understand that we all are capable of so much more than we realize.

Being unimpressive in a world that demands it

I blame society for the pressure it puts on people. There’s this belief that from the time we go to school we should have a talent. Something to identify ourselves in a sea of people going to places. If you don’t have that, then you are seen as unimpressive and underestimated. You become a face among a board of faces, blending with flashes of smiles, frowns and grimaces. But not everyone finds what they are good at in school, for some people it takes years to realize what they are good at. It doesn’t even mean they are unimpressive or not good enough.

When we don’t try to figure out who we are, we end up having quarter-life crisis. Where we try to figure out the meaning of life. An existential crisis is not fun at all. Often it leads to a point where you look down the winding road and think that you are nothing more than a pebble being tossed. Most people who go through this crisis also tend to be depressed and the simple reason that they go through that is they haven’t taken their time to figure out who they are. Occam Razor states that often the simple solutions are the answer. A simple solution is to figure out who you are.

It is never too late. it took me twenty-four years to figure this out. It took me thirteen years to realize I had a knack for writing. And it took me twice as long to actually harness the talent. It is never too late despite what people think.

Don’t be ashamed of your past

Most of us are ashamed of our past. We see it as black ink on a paper, too loud and dark that it takes away the beauty of a well-written letter. Our past molds us into being who we are today. If it wasn’t for my past, I wouldn’t be this person. Once I let go of the shame, I learned to love myself. The trick to rising above the noise is to simply let go of your past and to see it as lessons, not punishment.

After this, you learn to love yourself. For years I thought I loved myself, but then I would become self-deprecating and I realized it wasn’t the case. I had been living a lie and it all stemmed from the shame of my past. Shivers ran down my back whenever I thought about it. My past brought up things I didn’t want to think about, experiences far too many to bring up.

Shame clouds your judgment and shifts your perspective. Your past can’t deter you from where you want to go. Only you can. Your past is simply a lighthouse that reminds you that even from a distance you are capable of so much. It is there so you can steer your course and find your way back to that point where you are your best version. Most of us live with shame, seeing it as a black cloak swallowing us whole.

What I want you to walk away with is knowing that you can actually change your life, perspective and belief in just a week. All it takes is constantly working on it. You must find yourself in order to rise above the noise, it is only then you will learn to love yourself and develop self-confidence that pushes you forward in your life.

Also Related: Why You Shouldn’t Let The Past Define You?

What is your main takeaway and what is the one thing that you are going to work on this week? Comment below.

KEEP P USHING

VANESSA